Bathroom Line (A Stress Blog on the run)

Is there etiquette to the bathrooms at lounges? Most lounges in NYC have a happy hour which roughly starts around 4pm and goes to 8pm. By then, if you are like me, you a proper fuct staggering to through the now crowded alley of a lounge looking for the can. Boom! The line appears. 10 people fidgeting looking into space trying to ignore their bladder’s call for relief. I found my remedy for ignoring my bladder and the surrounding party crowd by typing this post. It may look like I’m tryna look important, but hey it is what it is. The fuck am I supposed to do, strike up a conversation with the girl next to me hopping on one foot. (Ha, she’s trying to read what I’m writing).

5 mins on this line and I’m finally at the front of the line waiting for one of the two unisex bathrooms to free up. This is an awkward position. Everyone on the line eyes you. “Damn I wish I was there.” “I got to piss.” “Why doesn’t that guy knock on the door to get them out of there.” “Hope he doesn’t do a number two.” How do I know that’s what their saying? Easy, that’s what I was thinking when I wasn’t in front. Whew. As I write this sentence in the can. (finally) I realize that I’m really foul. Not in the sense of the bodily functions, but the fact that I’m already done and I’m writing a freakin blog entry in the can. Damn. The next in line is probably wondering what I’m doing. With that said, here are my top five no no’s of the lounge bathroom line:

#1 - Don’t blog in the john! (LOL)
#2 - Try to keep you cool on line no matter how bad you gots to go. Someone is always looking?laughing.
#3 - Keep line convos to a minimum, unless you know the person or tryna get them to join you in the john. Anything other than that is just weird.
#4 - Try not to stare into space. Half the time you look like a Forrest Gump waiting in line to meet the President.
#5 - When you get in the can. Do your do and leave asking God to not return to the line.

Cheers!!!!