Top 10 most annoying and asinine events of 2009 as through the eyes of Stress!!!
10- The Kardadhians. OK I get it. You guys are real people with real
problems even though you’re obscenely rich. Can I be honest here? I
only watch this show with tissues and a bottle of Jergens on the night
stand. My ménage a quatre runs wild. Yeah moms can get it too.
9- Autotune in Reggae. I love dancehall. The island boy in me can’t get
enough. But this ugly Yankee trend has infiltrated the most purest of dancehall.
I guess us American kids are good for something.
8- Republicans & Democrats. One side bashes the new prez on every
issue, even though 13 months ago they was screaming that anyone that
doesn’t support the prez is Anti-American. The other side are a bunch of
pussies who bend on every stance THEY suggest. Welcome to Clusterfuckia!
7-Tiger’s Harem- Now I can smile when I address this dude as Mr. Woods.
LOL. But how the fuck did these hoes get famous and make money. One even
had the nerve to go on prime time to confess how she felt betrayed by Tiger.
Oh “he lied to me.” Bitch you fucked a married man and knew the deal.
One word…Gold digger.
How the hell you save text messages that long?
6- Shocking Celebrity Deaths. - Yo we lost Captain EO, the
Roadhouse bouncer, and the politest dude on earth this year.
Plus my snowflake crush from HS, Britney Murphy. Damn. Bad
year to be a celeb.
5- Hip Hop’s Life Span or Demise - OK we can spend hours
debating this as I have online in forums. The conclusion is that
the weak complain the strong make an effort to change. Which
side are you on?
4- BET - Shucking and jiving into number 4 on my list. As a black man who is
pretty active on issues, I’ve watched approximately 7 hours of it’s programming
collectively this year. Why? Because I’m tired of having a network run by non
alike people telling me I should drink, smoke weed, and fuck bitches all day.
Then they have the nerve to have commercials for quick loans and gospel hits.
This station does need Jesus.
3-Music Industry Beef. It has gone from valid claims of lyrical
supremacy to attempts to boost album sales. It has even taken
over the minds of r&b artist like Trey Songs, Neyo and R Kelly. All
of whom had their own mixtape or mixtape appearances this year.
Really? Sounds like Friday Night Sissy Fights. Where’s Dave Chappelle
when you need him?
2- I was gonna mention Jon and Kate Gosselin. Besides them both being
media whores, I have found a bigger offender. Kate’s hair. Watt D Phyuck?!?
It looks like a break dancing peacock is holding the world’s longest freeze on
her head. Kate, I hope you got some delicious Muchentuchen and a bottle of
Fizzy Bobala with that visit to Zohan’s shop.
AND NOW …… The moment you’ve been waiting for.
I’ve been a customer for over ten years and you have served me well.
That is until I purchased an iPhone from you. First I want to say I didn’t
spaz when it crashed the first month I had it. I didn’t even get mad at you
when I had to deal with the snobby, hipster, punk bitch, customer service
rep. That was Apple’s fault. (If I find you Evan I’m gonna attach a car battery
to a piercing of my choice.)
I just want to know why hold the rights and sell this great product if you
can’t support it? Are you guys really that out of touch? Apple is cutting edge
tech. You really did not expect the data streaming to be that heavy? Really?
I wanted to get some money taking off of my bill for the late voice mail
postings and dropped calls, but as I was explaining this to your rep…the
call was dropped. AT&T you are the worst of the worst. But then again.
I’m not downgrading to a crackberry. So you fucking win again.
I hope you feel good about yourself.
Your Digitally Dependent Piss-on,
— Posted Live From The Outside World