Stress Test

GTFOOHWTBS Awards 2011

2012-01-03T05:26:48Z

10- Rebecca Black - A firm example of how brilliant young Americans are. Pop radio ran this song into submission. And teenage girls ate it up. But by doing this they birthed yet another celebutante. Bravo geniuses.

9-Kim Kardashian - Speaking of celebutantes, our favorite big booty brother lover Kim K tied the knot and was then divorced a lil' under three months. The whole mega million dollar wedding was just a ploy to get money and recognition. Wow. Kim you couldv'e just fuct Brandon Jacobs on the MetLife 50 yard line.

8- Ray J - This dude is so lame I dug deep in my past known slang bank and brought back the word Herb just to describe this mofo. Why u making up shit about smacking Fab? Then have the nerve to preach on how you got goons? Listen man. There is no need. Keep your threats to the yacht club pool boys and concierge.

7- The Republican Party
Obama says yes we can. They say no you can't. He says healthcare for everyone. They say let them die. He says let's rebuild our own country. They say, 'with who's money?' He says pancakes are delicious they say I'd rather eat sardines and sanka. He says we are all Americans they say go back to your country darkie.

6-The Democratic party
They just say, "Yes pledgemaster may I have another?" You red bummed sadists. Grow a sack will ya?!

5-Rap beats that go nowhere. Oh my dear lord. If I have to hear another song that has cinematic over hyped intros that lead into a two note loop I will off myself.

4- The LA judicial system. So you are telling me with a expensive lawyer I can get out of jail for anything short of murder. Really? If this isn't abuse of the system I don't know what is. And the funny thing is people are ok with this. Jail time works for Lindsey. Shit she hasn't been in a movie in 3 years and she got the Playboy cover.

3-OWS
I was riding for you guys. I was there the first day you showed up in Zuccotti. I have video of the barechested hippie chicks screaming to take back Wall Street. But alas,the movement fizzled as quickly as it began. Where's your Ghandi, your Dr. King? You do need a leader or martyr. These fat cats will not take you seriously.

2-Tebowing. Wtf. When did kneeling in reverence to the Lord become equated to Tim Tebow. Just because this ultra Christian QB is the face of the Conservative America? Tebow I like you, but I can name at least 7 QBs better than you. And not for nothing you should be pissed they are calling your kneeling Tebowing. Isn't that false idol worship? Jus' saying.

1- Love & Hip Hop/Basketball Wives phenomenon
If there is anything that can set a people back as a whole, it's these two shows. Premise: get catty Black women together in a confined area, make them interact, record and air the calamity. The many defenders of this show love it because of the drama and "characters". I see it yet another way to portray us as volatile,hot tempered,sex driven individuals. Hey it makes for good TV though. The formula has even spilled over into other reality genres. Find two black women that don't like each other and let them fight it out. Oh well, I guess we need something to watch while we are all on the couch after being turned down for work because of an image assessment. Guilty by association? Naaaaah.

The Voice Of The People.

2011-12-21T05:12:30Z

The voice of the people.

That term has been used so much that the voice is really a caw in a
flock of birds. Bloggers with inferiority complexes, hipsters on
gorilla, and dudes that just need a hug are behind some of the most
poignant commentary and Freedom of Speech speeches. In this age of
self generated information everyone has the power to start movements
and well as end them. With this year quickly coming to an end the masses
flock to their friend, the pc to purchase and stay in touch. Believe it or
not we are in a historic era in human history. The Information Age. Never
before was it possible to share the level of info across the globe. But to
what end? What aim? What target ?

Let's take the OWS movement. The settlers in Zucotti Park organized
mostly via social networking. The like minded protestors got together
and rallied for 40+ days for various causes from the abuse of the 99%
to the corruption of the US Corrections policy. While well motivated and
carried out, it quickly got out of hand with the infiltration of anarchist
nut jobs and just plain homeless dudes looking for a place to blend in.
I saw how the message of unfair treatment of the middle and lower class
turned into a circus of anyone who had a beef with the government for
any reason. The scene looked like a living comments portion of a online
news story. Commentary outshining the main objective which was giving t
he common American a fair economic shake.

It is a sign of the times. The look at me generation. The I'm
special generation. The I shouldn't feel defeat generation. It's a
crop of self righteous, legend in your own mind, cry babies. Do you
really think that you make a difference? Then ask yourself to what
level of your comfortability Are you willing to sacrifice ? Your
cable subscription? Your Mac book pro? It takes more than snarky
comments on blogs and markered signs.

With the spread of ideas comes the responsibility of cultivating the seeds
you plant. If not you are an absentee parent letting your ideas run amuck.
You are actively negligent in thinking that others will hold your idea in the
same reverence that you envisioned. You are part of the problem. This not
to spur commentary. This is written to spark action. So get from behind your
signs and blogs, find a focus, and stick to it.

Creeps

2011-10-18T02:58:36Z

I got a beef and it's two tier. Its something I've noticed even as a lil dude navigating Zoo York. It's an attitudinal epidemic in which people who think they should have a right to exercise. What is it? Let's just call it Stank. Stank is when you are at a bus stop with a young lady you don't know and upon you two catching each others glance she give you the "ew stop looking at me" face. Thus triggering a "wtf" response from most men who just happen to be in your line of sight.

Ok. I know you are probably reading this thinking, " oh dis n***a got hurt feelings or something. " Couldn't be further from the truth. My only reason for being a bit "what the fucky" about this is that most of the chicks that participate in this practice are fuckin beat up. Is this your only defense mechanism? Do you really think every guy you meet wants to slide up in it? Let's be real, as a man there is hardly anything you wouldn't do. But tastes vary. Just because old Mr Johnson from 11B perv-hugs you every morning doesn't mean we all want your dusty ass.

The epidemic is at critical mass ladies and gentlemen. A colleague of mine had it done to him by a preteen! I blame two things. Chickenhead mothers and thirsty men. Chickenhead mothers are pretty much self explanatory. No chicken or the egg riddle here. But to those palm lovin, slack jaw, pedophiles... you fucking up the game. You know, the dudes who hit on women/girls making it look innocent but have the wolf's grin. Thinking " maybe if I get her to talk a bit longer I can get those drawers. " No Man! You are working these dusty broads up into a perpetual Stank which is aimed and focused at any male that looks in their direction. Stop gassing the Stank.

So there are two things you should take from this:

A) If you are a female and you give out the Stank eye, have a convo with yourself and ask ,"was he really tryna get at me?" If you are unable to do so....well....Stank you very much, have a miserable life. Trust me I'll remember your actions but forget you as a person.
B) if you spend most of your day chatting up chicks before the got to school or work at the bus stops, you are fueling the machine. Stop gassing.

Let's prevent the Stank Starr!

PS: On an unrelated topic, I am actively pursuing a mandate to reinstate the term "Herb" to hip hop nomenclature. Its sole purpose is to describe the singer known as Ray J.

-- Posted Live From The Outside World

OT Dreams

2011-08-25T15:32:59Z

Ok so I have a habit of taking vacation time at the last minute forcing me to make a lot of last minute plans. Somehow still I manage to have an awesome time whether im stuck in the hood or on a beach somewhere. If you follow these steps I can guarantee a good time.

1-Always watch the deals on online travel sites
I troll the last minute deals cause I'm constantly vacation dreaming. This use of "downtime" at work will season you for potential costs, and destinations. You can get a great idea on what is within your financial reach. When you see a good deal you can then make an educated choice on a trip.

2-Compare travel sites with Airline Sites
Always compare the price of travel packages, especially between say a cheaptickets and an airline. Airlines give great packages including hotel and flight. Now is a great time to do so because the flights are expensive. They need a draw and get a bigger share of profit if they book directly with customers than going through a travel site.

3-Open Your Horizons
I can't tell you how many people I meet who don't travel just because they never been outside the five boroughs. It is sad actually. If within your budget, see the places you heard about in geography class. The world is huge. Shit... The US is HUGE!!! If the out of country trip is not your thing, explore America. Find a personal interest and then find the US epicenter. Like comics? Go to Comicon. Like Cars? Go to a car show out of town? The trip will calm and satisfy at the same time. It's doing something that YOU want to do makes the trip. .

4-Staycation
Explore your city. Granted I live in NYC and I can practically find different recreational activities everyday nonstop for a month and a half. Admittedly I'm numb to it all. One day I decided to do something about it. I got a manhattan hotel, bought a I <3 NY tee and hit the streets. It was surprisingly fun as shit. Caught some shows, attractions and anything a tourists would do. The key is do what your town is famous for. If it is cow tipping...find the best farm.

5-Recommendations
I am a chronic vacation story listener. Where'd you go? Where are you goin? The other day I heard of a quirky town in Arizona where burros roam free in the streets due to an old mining mishap. All I kept thinking was, " I gotta see this shit!". Not saying you should follow me into East Bubblefuck, but just tying something different can be inexpensive and story worthy.

The key here is to do you. Make YOU happy at the budget you are allowed. And explore for godsake. You only have one go on this marble, sheesh.

-- Posted Live From The Outside World.

Do You

2011-04-27T03:09:31Z

I am an outcast. A stuck up do gooder. I've never been a "player". I never held
down a block. I never felt a need go to the local watering hole and buy the latest
liquor concoction. ( Shouts out to the Diddy and the Coco Loso). Yet I am still able
to function as a member of the hood. Desperately trying to help a community that
at times doesn't want to change. Funny still . I am a firm believer of the "do you"
concept. Its a free country, do what you wanna. Only you as an individual can take
the brunt of the consequences of your actions.

Still, i can't help but feel that full understanding of the outcomes are not seen.
Maybe just not heeded. Why would you want to go to jail or be eternally
linked to a less than desirable person through the bond of wedlock? Are you
just waiting for death? It's sad when coming up you feel ashamed or not part
of the crowd when your parents are STILL together.

Who plants these ideas? Why are they so widely accepted?

Why are these views seen in my community as a rite of passage?

Why is this status quo?

Here's a few things you should ask yourself if you are a "victim of the hood".

1-Why is there so much garbage in the hood? Is it that the sanitation dept
forgets your block or is it because you and a pal discarded a half eaten
carton of Chinese food on the street?

2-Why do so many Koreans and Arabs have corner store biz? Is it because
they won't give you a small biz loan or is your ego too big to serve your
community as a lowly store owner?

3-Does seeding up chicks make you a man? Everyone loves sex but how
many times do we have to hear the condom broke? Really? REALLY?

4-Are you getting blooded up and raising blood drops for the sake of your
peers or is it for the benefit of your child? If it is for protection please let
me know from who? It will not be from themselves.

5- ( This is a doozey ) Why do you blame the white man for all your
problems? Why are you reactive instead of proactive if his knee is on
your neck? Don't talk about it be about it.

If you can't answer these questions without getting upset or ready to
fight congratulations you are going to jail for selling your baby mama
drugs while drunk off of Coco Loso. The trifecta! If you genuinely want
change it starts with one not following the Status Quo. Man up! Do you!

-- Posted Live From The Outside World

The Donald

2011-04-15T14:13:08Z

The following blog was written in a fit of rage after watching the news or
whatever you call it today. They say they are responsible reporters. Let's
see. This is Stress' view and does not entirely reflect the views of other
members of this site. But if they agree, so be it.

Out of all people I didn't expect one of the premier entrepreneurs of our
generation to be a birther. For those not familiar, a Birther is a term
to describe the people of this country who still believe Barack Obama
was not born in this country. Donald Trump, in his attempt to test the
waters for a possible presidential run, has been on any show that will
give his hair piece airtime, tackling such tough issues as this and the
Iraq war. He is determined to right the US back on the path of hope,
freedom, and trickle down economics. More recently, he was quoted
saying he had a good relationship with "the blacks". (LOL) I quickly
rewound the DVR to make sure I heard it correctly. What is this 1971?
The Blacks? Who are the blacks? What good relationship have you had
with them other than in boxing in your casinos or cleaning your villa?
Pardon me Mr. Trump but fuck you! Do me a favor, keep on with your
1 percent class hysteria. Keep opening your mouth telling on yourself
and your warped ideals. We will see you for the man you are.

Ps Curtis Sliwa you get the dick for saying Trump's use of the term
"The Blacks" is a "non issue". Eventhough you did dismiss him as an
attention seeker, it's people like you who help ( i said help, because
I know this can be used against me) perpetuate the negative sociological
dogma that is being attached to "the blacks". I hope they shoot that
Gotti movie on your mothers block you waste.

-- Posted Live From The Outside World

GTFOOHWTBS AWARDS 2010

2011-01-11T02:26:25Z

10-The Rise of Hip Pop
Last year I wrote about autotune not knowing the evolution of Hip Pop had arrived.
I realized it when I saw young white girls crying because someone bilked them out
of money for a Nicki Minaj concert. (Nozzle to mouth pulls trigger.)

9-Kanye and Jay Z conspiracy
I haven't seen such blatant black man ripping since Obama's birth certificate
was put into question. Now I listen to all theories on the new world order, but do
you really think the old white men would let Kanye and Jigga Man into their elite
club of world domination and world economy tinkering? If anything it is another
ploy by old white men to yet again tear down successful black men. No? Prove me
otherwise. Until then, I don't buy it.

8-No Sag Campaign
I realized this year that I really fund these asshole politicians and their asinine
and mostly misguided campaigns against public indecency. I'd much rather they
start a campaign for police sensitivity training than a monitor for the annual teenage
fad. Thanks for wasting your time and tax payer money Senator Adams.

7-The WTC Mosque Controversy.
Remember this ? It was all the talk of the nation this year. The outrage over
the audacity Muslim worshipers having a place to practice their faith so close
to Ground Zero and the tittie bar. Guess what? After all that hubbub and Koran-burning
threats, they are still building it. Where are all those angry Americans now?

6-Fantasia's Suicide Attempt
Watt D Fok! Fantasia, I remember being moved listening to sing on AI. I
thought you would take it to the game. But like many of our entertainers you
have to keep it real. Did you not learn from Dave Chappelle? Leave the hood
alone. Shit. Why must you go out of your way to prove how down you are.
Sad thing it didn't work and you found yourself like the female Jaheim. So
what do you do to gain the attention of the audience you lost? You fake a
suicide. Ok maybe not fake, just a poorly attempted suicide. Shit the next
week she was on Oprah hyping her album. It's a miracle! Redemption in
a week. Yesssssss.

5-Technics Turntables Being Discontinued ( Stress' Personal Beef)
I blame all you fake laptop DJ's out there. Learn your craft and stop giving
away the secrets of hip hop you worthless sacks of camel balls.

4-The Democratic Party
Thanks for giving the president your undivided support. Now that you no longer
have the majority in the House, lets see how much your issues will be valued. Nice
way to back up you party's leader. With your bickering about health care reform, WTC
Worker payouts and the tax break and unemployment extension, lets see how much
Obama has to ultimately bend. It's like having T.O. on your already struggling squad,
with a proven superstar. ( sorry Bengals.) For shame, for fronting like all citizen needs
are being addressed when you all are worried about keeping your jobs. Cause let's face
it, unemployment stats are harsh. Dust off them resumes Dems.

3-Soulja Boy caught loving up Kat Stacks
Oh dis nigga here. Not only was your swag severely gimped when you was caught huggin
up with this chick, but your age showed through. Listen lil g ( and I use that loosely) stop
hugging up these birds. You got burnt by the video and probably in the pants. She outed
your cocaine use, while you was in the bathroom. Wasn't she on a HIV positive dating site.
Hoax? Do u really want to take a chance? Sorry fam. My love muscle is going now where
near that chick. As for you and yours. GO SEE THE DOCTOR!!!!!!!

2-The Sarah Palin Show
This is why other countries don't like us. The majority of us are fuckin stupid. With
our toy dogs and complaining about the lack of cashiers at Starbucks. Then we let
our politicians play with our minds by watching them have potato sack races and
murder turkeys... Wait wrong footage. Anyway, if you do not see through this attempt
for party influence, u my friend are a sheep.

1-President Obama Hating
Ok. I know people who legitimately did not like Obama as a leader before
he came to term. Still I wonder would we have been better off with McCain
and Palin?' Let's look at the good Obama has done. Bailed out the tanking
economy, Universal healthcare passed, set up a nuclear peace treaty with
Russia, do ask don't tell in the sack ( couldn't resist), gave tax extensions
to the rich but got unemployment extended .... Lets face it this guys a fucking
rockstar. Well, to the rest of the world. Not here. Here he is another black guy
trying to prove validity in his decisions because he is inherently unfit to lead.
Oh and black folk tearing him down, good job. You are the reason there are
no "valid" black politicians. I would run for public office but I'd have to remove
the daggers from my back. Sensibility dies yet again.

Back Stack

2010-11-24T17:14:22Z

Hey remeber the days when you had to work for something. You don't?
Then chances are, you are part of Generation Y that mom didn't swallow.
They follow the Leon PhelpsPhilosophy. They will have sex and something
randomly will happen. Now before you read in to that as some coservative
prude talking to you I'll make it clear that there is nothing better than beating
up new talent. But it seems like a jumpboard to celebrity.

Tiger's porn star mistress held a press conference after his first public apology
because she wanted him to apologize. Like a phone call wouldn't suffice. Jesse
James' Fuhrer chick got hit up to do porn and is now hosting parties in Vegas.
So are the other chicks. Spitzer's piece is in the May 2010 Playboy. (well she's
kinda sexy anyway). But the one that takes the cake is Kate Gosselin. This chick
is making the early charges of greed and need for fame, bought up by her former
slave John, look feasible. Playboy. Really? What happen to the wholsome mom
raising 8 kids? Ok I could let Dancing with the Stars slide. That show is tailored
to extend celebrity. Get that check! But even Heff had to put a stop to her madness.
Why in the name of all that is sane would you put your 8 kids throught that anyway.
Aren't they fuct for life after this overly publicized divorce anyway? "Mommy
why is your boonki in the magazine?". I can only imagine what is next. She'll
start to date A-Rod or have an affair with John Tesh. If I was the hubby I'd let her
hang herself. Remeber dude you are the villian here. Keep your douchey-ness to a
minimum. And stop tryna bone models. You are a thirty something balding reality slut.

Now with creating celebrity we were introduced to Montana Fishburne recently.
Daughter to Mr.Black Actor God himself Larry, she shocked the world by announcing
her career in porn. She quickly defended her current career path as a gate way into
acting. Really? So having the Fishburne last name isn't enough? Mr. Marcus' dick has
the nectar of Hollywood success shooting out of it? Maybe acting classes and actually
listening to your superstar pops might help. Something for nothing means nothing,
emptiness, instant gratification with a huge sustainability drop off. A firm foundation
always builds a better house.

Let's keep it "real". Porn stars have more class than you. At least they work to
be porn stars.

Oops as I write this I am watching a TMZ story on how the porn star present at
Charlie Sheens drunken night in Gotham is suing him for a million. I take that
previous statement back.

-- Posted Live From The Outside World

Don't Pat Me Bro

2010-11-24T17:03:00Z

Remember 9/11. We hear that often. People wave flags and pat backs and
congratulate rescuers and praise the lives of those that have perished that
day. Yet nowadays it seems like the freedoms we have relinquished for the
safety of our citizens are debated yet again. Let me explain.

The TSA has new x-ray devices at the airport designed to view everything on
your person as clear as day. (Think of the x-ray vision we all wish we shared
with Superman). These freaking things pick up everything down to schlong
and boob size. Pretty intrusive huh? But it is a necessary evil to provide safety
on aircraft post 9/11. Your alternative is a TSA pat down. Sounds better, right?
Wrong ! Some are up in arms about being subjected to a pat down. It's humiliating.
Humiliating? To whom? Everyone is getting one or the other. Again an ugly reality
shows itself in policy change.

Humiliating. I thought of the several pat downs I received when I was a teen
even to now as a 33 year old man. Mostly just for having the unfortunate luck
of being born into an inner city borough and for having suspicious ingrained in
my DNA. Humiliating is going to the store for groceries only to be stopped and
frisked in front of passerby's. Humiliating is being frisked on a busy Queens street
for double parking. Wrong yes. Deserved? I leave that for you to answer when you
enter the gate and have to decide which security procedure you want to "humiliate"
yourself with. I mean it's not necessary now, is it?

-- Posted Live From The Outside World

2012

2010-11-24T16:35:58Z

There has been speculation that there will be a major event on December
2012. I know it is half apocalypse half balderdash. Funny. I wasn't really into
end of the world rhetoric. In fact I am one of the most skeptical dudes you
would ever meet. But even I cannot ignore the signs of my world going to
he'll in a hand basket. I will break this past years events down to sort of
shed some light on how Sarah Palin or ( insert conservative nut job here)
will be President in 2012.

1) I've always wondered why there were only 2 major parties in government.
To me that seems asinine to regulate a human beings' multiple views into two
vehicles where you place a funneled allegiance. Enter the rise of the Tea Party,
a powerful well organized ultra conservative party. Call it ignorance but how
did they get so powerful under a year? Who's funding them? And who's America
are they taking back? Where did their America go?

2) The past midterm elections was very sad. The democrats have relinquished
power in the House of Representatives which is a huge blow to the Obama
administration. He will now actually now have to shmooze with enemy to get
things passed. Even harder now that he has opposition in his own party. (way
to back your party see point 1) The fact of the matter is enthusiasm that people
felt in voting for our first black president ended in 2008. It is perfectly clear to
me now that most of Obama's backing came from voters who either are not
knowledgable of the workings of government or just wanted a black president.
Those same voter dropped the ball of not coming out to vote for there local
officials to ease the passing of their president's policies. It was your job to
vote to keep YOUR president in full power. Which leads me to my next point.

3)Dancing with The Stars. Bristol Palin's weak dancing ass beat out Brandy
in the head to head battle royale on primetime TV. I really don't watch it but
an interesting dynamic is emerging in front of our eyes and most of us do not
realize it. Since it's birth on MTV reality TV has captured the minds and hearts
of it's viewers. Unfortunately the not known to most of the viewers is that the
event are partially, if not entirely, scripted. With the millions tuning in to watch
DWTS we are seeing "reality" being authored to serve a purpose. An often
personal one. The senior Palin introduced her own "reality" show I'm sure with
hopes of gaining the hearts and minds of real everyday Americans....which
excludes me and brown people like me.

It's not racist... it's...reality. And the truth is ugly. Life is not scripted into
comical situations where at the end of the episode life is good for all involved.
Just once I'd like to see myself have the existence that I have seen on TV
since I was a child. But I do not. I have reality TV in the form of day to day
life. Often controlled by people who struggle to control a fabricated life....just
to make it seem there is something I can somehow achieve, if I vote for you
of course.

Armageddon? Maybe not. Rise of stupidity? Eminent.

-- Posted Live From The Outside World