Friday, January 31, 2014 at 10:47AM
Preach in The Stress Test: GTFOOHWTBS Awards

The hits don’t quit. It seems like every year the fuckery all stars 
hit me with a plethora of BS to go through and choose the most
poignant pieces of self gratitude, sloth, and but plain rachetness. 
So like always heeeere we go…..

10.  Kanye West

This one hurt me cause I have nothing but love for the homey.
His album was different, not bad to me. He seeded up one of the
fattest asses in the game. I didn’t even bat an eye when he protested
his fair share in the fashion world. I get it. Certain professions do cater
to a cookie cutter type to justify its ideals. But in normal Ye fashion he
bashes his way in by force…and now he’s really rubbing people the
wrong way. Ye, the only way you got on this list is because of your
interview etiquette. Don’t let “George Bush doesn’t like black people”
get drowned out by “You ain’t got the answers Sway!!” Get at me for
some unbiased constructive criticism, Ye. 


9. The GOP

Christ on a cracker these guys are relentless. They forgot how elections
and laws work. A little bit of media machine and old slave money they
launched an “Obama is the End of Merrica” campaign. How do you try
to repeal a signed law when you do not have the power to do so? Shut
down the government. Shouts to Obama, you cool muthaphuka. He
called their bluff and exposed their grade school behavior by making
them turn purple when they held their breath in protest. Nice work. 

8. The Harlem Shake Redux

I love how the hood finds out late that the internet took something
of theirs and makes it a sensation all the while completely changing
the original.  Let’s get it straight… I don’t even know why it was called
the Harlem Shake to begin with so I will take offense to that craze
being called that. I had to explain to people that whatever that thing
was it wasn’t the original. To which I had to provide proof. Thank you
for yet again erasing a piece of our culture and tell us what it should be.  

7. Miley Cyrus

What a year for this chick. In one year she invents twerking (even
though the Ying Yang Twins rapped about it 15 yrs ago ), molests
Robin Thicke, and becomes a chart-topping rapper. ( I just threw
up on my iPad ). She is the model of young women everywhere.
They followed her through the bipolar Hannah Montana phase.
Now its the ‘slutty, hang with Black people to prove I’m cool, aww
shit I hope my pastor doesn’t see this’ phase. Stay tuned to
Privileged People Problems in 2014!!!

6. Angry Chris Brown

This dude right here needs a hug. But apparently that’s how that
club fight with Drake broke out. (Ha) Chrissy, I wasn’t too judgmental
when you beat the snot out of Rihanna. Not like you should beat a
woman. I saw you more of a misguided young man repeating the
actions of his abusive father. Mistakes can be forgiven. But Christ! 
You have no remorse or accountability for anything. So there goes
my theory of you being influenced. Do you know if you had the money
of the rest of us had you’d be doing some time for assault? Of course
you do, that’s why you threw a fit in anger management camp with
your mother. Grow the fuck up Chrissy! You heading towards nobody
island with Ray J and Riff Raff. 

5. Waiting on line for sneakers 

Fam, I don’t like to wait on line for FREE shit. So it bugs me out
when I see dudes camped out over night to cop the new Lebrons
or Jordan’s, in the cold, in the rain, on a hot summer’s night. We
all have our subculture obsession, but I would never wait overnight
for anything other than money. Some do sell them for thousands on
Ebay, that’s cool. But if you are just going to keep them in a closet
boxed up and wear them once a year…you need a more productive

4. Jordan Obsession. 

It has almost been 30 years since the first pair of Air Jordan’s hit
the shelves. Fast forward to 2013 and it is still the most desirable
item in the hood. So desirable dudes would scrap in a mall for a pair
of the Gamma Blue 11s. So desirable a dude will perform cunnilingus
on it instead his girlfriend. I will say this once….. Stop throwing your
money away! Especially now that Miley Cyrus is co-signing it in her
songs. You guys embarrass me.  They call us liquid money you DO
know that. Invest. Become REAL CEO’s!!!! Think outside of record 
labels & T-shirt lines. Think Management, Think Science, Think of
anything else…..PLEASE THINK.

3. Megyn Kelly

How this bird still has a job is amaaaaaaazing. I’ve been to school for
journalism and the Fox crew are some of the worst in the industry.
The only thing worse than them jumping all over the Obama administration
for the Bengazi attacks(which was based on a false report), was this
chick stating that Santa can’t be black, because he’s white. So is Jesus.
Who needs to take the wheel at this point. I was taught to respect all
peoples’ views. But I can’t let this slide. You ma’am are a dumbass.
Megyn my dear, Santa can be anyone to a kid. Why? Because he is
fantasy. Same way the 47 Ronin stars Keanu Reeves. Polynesian
ancestry is close enough. In a way, I’m happy you said it. So people
can see how bigoted you are. 

2. Saggy Skinny Jeans

So skinny jeans are enforcing my rather manly frame to search
for clothes outside of H&M. No sleep lost. I need room in my pants.
What bugs me out are the dudes who sag them. Actually I couldn’t
call it sagging when the belt is underneath your butt cheeks. I seen
a dude in a snow storm last month with frost on his drawers. LOL.
I dunno man. I haven’t been in High School for years. I guess this
is whats up now. It’s just an invite to be butt hugged to me. Funny
shit is these dudes still do it knowing it has roots in prison culture.
AGAIN…..ITS AN INVITE. If i was gay I’d be mad that these androgynous
boys are false advertising. Eh at least the pervs get eye candy. The
price we are paying for Hip Hop’s Hair Band era. Look up Whitesnake

1. George Zimmerman

He got off. Never have I ever been so disgusted with our justice
system. Because a teenage boy threatened a grown ass man, the
life taken was deemed justifiable. Thanks America. Thank you for
giving these scary people a precedent to kill Black men out of fear that
they “might” do something. This is the beginning of something ugly
that will breed more violence. Several black people were shot and killed
after the incident because of justifiable fear. Is it fear or guilt? Guilt that
Black folks still struggle to put money in there pockets and food on the
table because of societies oppressive structure? Are you scared of the Black
guy in your office getting violent because of years of being passed over for
promotions? It’s a pain and reality only people of color can see. This trial
just solidified our worth to the American public.  Which it seems as close
to nothing. Our former president has done twenty times worse than Trayvon
had. Trayvon’s only crime was being Black on this piece of shits watch. I
hope you get dick cancer Georgie.

Notable Mentions:

George Zimmerman - The Sequel -  This jackass pulled his hammer on his wife and girlfriend months after being acquitted for murdering Trayvon Martin. Yeah,rumor has it that she was looking into her own house suspiciously.(that was a joke)

Juror B29 - The Zimmerman case ruined YOUR life? My dear hindsight is a bitch. Wanting to go home is not the reason for letting a man free for a murder you still feel he committed. I was not in that room when you 12 were deliberating so I cannot attest to your alliance. One thing though, I would not have budged. No one would have seem their families until justice for Trayvon was handed down. I guess thats why I never get picked for jury duty. In 2013 going to 2014 it’s still JUST US!

Juror B37 - You should be ashamed of yourself for trying to profit off of this tragedy. A book deal? Really? I’m glad the Twitterverse shut you down.


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