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Train Etiquette

Living in New York you have to succumb to a few necessary evils. One
such Pandora’s box is the NYC Subway system. A serious rider for 20 + years,
I’ve seen it all. It still bugs me to this day people do shit on the train, which in
their mind, they consider acceptable. Here are a few scenarios which I have
actually seen and experienced that will help you think about your actions.

Grooming: NY is nonstop hustle. So I can understand an occasional lotion
break or eye boogie check. Once you start applying makeup such as mascara
and compound you start to head into that gray area. Shaving, WTF? Hair combing,
not near me. Spare me your cooka bugs. Nail filing and clipping, do that shit at
home for real. Bottom line if you can leave parts of your body behind DON’T DO IT!

Seat etiquette: Some NYers lack common sense. Case and point,
pregnant women and the crowded train. Don’t be a dick, give her your seat. In
defense of some of you guys be wary of the chicks with big guts. Their lack of
Pilates training will have you giving up your well earned seat.

Next, the fat guy and the three seater. If a fat dude is on one end and
someone is one the other end, do not squeeze in between ‘em. Stand.
You are just making a slightly uncomfortable ride unbearable for three people.
Furthermore, if your ass is the size of two asses do NOT squeeze your ass into
the space of one butt cheek. PLEASE!  It kills me how some woman envision
themselves as slim assed. They sit on you with a butt cheek on your hip then
look at you like YOU sat there. Bitch get your fat ass up. You know better.

Lastly my pet peeve. I unfortunately have broad shoulders so sitting next to
me on a crowed train sucks. I try to sit next to the end so I only have to deal
with one person. But I still get the asshole who thinks you can miraculously
shrink your self. So they squeeze then end up laying on you. I always elbow
shove to the front and lean forward to let them know I’m no fuckin’ mattress.

Drug use: Ho Lee Shit. Let me tell you I’ve seen everything from line snorting
to drinking binges. I don’t care what you do. Just don’t fuck with me or my

Smells: Most people wash there ass. But some don’t. Please wash. Sour milk
breathon the guy next to you is not pleasant but understandable. But if you
stink to high hell do not get on. That’s all. Gum & deodorant. Do us and
yourself a favor.

As you can see I could go on but I think this will be a growing experience.
‘Till next time.

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